I was talking with some friends about giving gifts versus experiences and thought about the different things that matter to people. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People is a book talking about what types of actions matter to people and really prove you care. The book talks about (1) words of affirmation, (2) quality time, (3) acts of service, (4) tangible gifts, and (5) appropriate physical touch.
I think these things also affect our relationships. If one person values time spent together and the other person wants words showing how they are valued or prefers a gift that shows the other person thought about them, went out and made a purchase of something they cared about, there’s a disconnect. The problem is, I think, that we offe appreciation in our preferred language instead of what matters to the other person.
If I know a friend would rather spend time together than have me give them a present – even if I would value the present and the memory of the gift more myself, spending time together is the way I’m a good friend. I think a lot of us don’t think about what a specific person wants. We go along with what everyone else does (whether it be happy hours, birthday presents, vacation trips to exotics places) or we do what we would like others to do for us. We don’t stop to think what would really matter to this person. Making the effort to do someting the person would value makes a difference in our relationships, at work, with friends, or with famlly.
Listen to what people want. Listen and then act on what you hear.